I’ve been rather down lately. I haven’t worn nail polish in a month, which kinda speaks volumes about my mood.
Those who know me would be familiar with the amount of crap I have to put up with at work every day. I have been very unhappy for a long time, and had to put my professional troubles on the back-burner in order to deal with other priorities in my personal life, namely the health issues my hubby and I are facing, and medical expenses that come along with them.
I suppose it is due to all the media hype over The Hunger Games movie, but I have finally gotten around to reading the books. For days, I immersed myself in the trilogy and was swept along with Katniss and her mental and physical battles. When I finished the books, it suddenly hit me that the organisation I’m working for is just like the Capitol!
I don’t know how to articulate this in a way that will make sense to outsiders, but on a very small scale, various aspects in the books mirror what’s happening at work (death and destruction aside, naturally). While I cannot and will not claim to possess even a fraction of the amazing qualities Katniss has, I feel like I am the Katniss of my workplace, if The Hunger Games were to be written as The Office Games instead. Am I making any sense whatsoever?
In order to do the jobs we are paid to do, there are times when we have to go against our moral values and principles. It seems Ethics and Integrity no longer have a place in today’s dog-eat-dog world, where getting ahead of the competition is more important than anything else. Every day, the internal conflict rages on inside me as I see or am asked to do things that I completely disagree with or know is wrong. I can almost hear my ethics professor quoting Socrates and Aristotle in my head.
In the corporate arena where we employees are mere pawns in the games our big bosses play, the only thing we can control – the one thing we have that nobody, however high up they may be, can take away from us – is the right to tender our resignation.
For various reasons I will not go into in the interest of anonymity, I will soon be on the hunt for a new job. I no longer want to be associated with a company that I’m not proud to be in, whose values I don’t agree with, and whose actions I don’t want to be a part of. I have reached my limit; enough is enough.
It’s a bittersweet feeling, and I don’t know what is in store for my professional future. The unknown scares me, but it is time for me to do what’s best for me.
Note: Lest I come across as someone on her morally upright high horse, I ought to mention that I’m not exactly the beacon of moral standing here. I freely admit to bringing home office stationery like pens and highlighters, and I’m pretty sure that amounts to stealing in some countries.
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